According to Dictionary.com a friend is a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. Cambridge dictionary defines a friend as a person you know well and like a lot, but who is usually not a member of your family. In both definitions of a friend, one common thread is that a close relationship exists between the two parties. Therefore, a friend is a confidant, one who is readily available in times of need and one whom you can trust at all times. The Bible confirms this: “A friend loves at all times…” – Proverbs 17:17a (NIV); “A friend is there to help, in any situation…” (CEV); “A true friend is always loyal…” (TLB); “Friends love through all kinds of weather…” (MSG). This Scripture rendered in different translations gives the true definition of a friend. Friendship is not a one-way relationship but a mutual relationship where both parties are committed to the well-being of each other. To this, Solomon wrote: “A man that hath friends must show himself friendly, and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24).

Friendship is not a one-way relationship but a mutual relationship where both parties are committed to the well-being of each other.

God – A Worthy Example of a True Friend

The Bible confirms God’s approval of friendship by referring to Abraham as a friend of God (James 2:23). The Psalmist also reveals that “The Lord is a friend to those who fear him. He teaches them his covenant” (Psalm 25:14, NLT). Jesus called us His friends when He declared “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me” (John 15:13-15, NLT). Lazarus was referred to as a friend of Jesus (John 11:3). So, while on earth, Jesus also had friends. Consider the twelve disciples, then the three – Peter, James and John. These He always carried along for prayer and certain ministrations. As much as He was their Master, they were indeed His friends. He unveiled deeper truths to them about the Kingdom, and they went with Him the extra mile. At the instant of His arrest, the three (Peter, James and John) were with him. At the foot of the cross John the Beloved was there. That was indeed a mark of true friendship. The Holy Spirit also plays the roles of a true friend in our lives. He is called the Helper, the Advocate, the Comforter, the Encourager, and the Counsellor (John 14:16, AMP). Who else could have played such an important role in a man’s life, but a friend?

A World of Friendship

The world we live in is a world of friendship. From creation, we were told that God made them male and female (Genesis 1:27; 5:2; Matthew 19:4). This implies that friendship is of God. From creation, the first man and the first woman created were meant to be friends as much as they were husband and wife. Their marriage was consummated in friendship as they fellowshipped with God in the beautiful Garden of Eden.

No matter how endowed, we will need the help of men in one way or the other to achieve God’s purpose for our lives.

The saying holds true that no man is an isolated Island. We live in the world of men; therefore, everyone needs someone to thrive in this world. No matter how endowed, we will need the help of men in one way or the other to achieve God’s purpose for our lives. Moses the deliverer needed an Aaron as a brother and companion to enforce the exodus of God’s people from Egypt. Paul the Apostle needed companions such as Barnabas and Silas at some point in his life for the work of the ministry. Jeremiah the prophet needed Baruch the scribe as a companion for documentation of his prophecies. Daniel the prophet needed the company of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in their trying time in the kingdom of Babylon. David the king needed Jonathan and Hushai as friends to enable him brave the odds of life when it mattered. These and many other biblical figures needed trusted companions to enable them fulfil purpose. You and I are no different today, we need trusted friends in our lives.

Have you been betrayed before? Maybe you’ve decided not to have friends any more due to such betrayal. Remember, it is written: “Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family” (Proverbs 18:24, MSG). Life will be difficult without trusted friends because we cannot handle life alone. Only be attentive to the leading of the Holy Ghost as you relate with men because He alone knows the hearts of men (Jeremiah 17:9-10; John 2:24-25).

Life will be difficult without trusted friends because we cannot handle life alone.

Marks of a True Friend: The Case of David and Jonathan

A true friend loves genuinely (1 Samuel 18:1-3; 20:17). The first time Jonathan met David, there was a strong bond between them and Jonathan got to love David as himself. That’s true love. David referred to the love of Jonathan for him as being deeper than the love for women (2 Samuel 1:26). This implies that whatever was good for Jonathan was also good for David, and vice versa. Apostle Paul charged the Roman believers to “Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honouring each other” (Romans 12:10). A true friend doesn’t pretend to love but loves genuinely (Romans 12:9). When Jonathan met David, he didn’t pretend to love him but expressed his genuine love for David.  How about you? What is the basis of your love for your friend? Are you only interested in what the person has than in his wellbeing? Take a self-assessment of your love life, and judge the motive behind your love for others. This is a true pointer to the nature of your friendship. On the other hand, if you notice a friend who is only interested in what you have or what they’ll get from you than in your welfare, it may be a red flag. Friendship is a mutual relationship and not a one-way relationship.

A True Friend is Committed to Friendship. “He (Jonathan) formalized it (their friendship) with solemn gifts: his own royal robe and weapons—armour, sword, bow and belt” (Emphasis mine) (1 Samuel 18:4). Friendship requires commitment from both parties. As soon as Jonathan met David, he sealed their friendship by stripping himself of his armour and giving them to David. That’s the commitment of a true friend. He never asked anything from David in return, but gave him all his armour. That’s a mark of true friendship! In true friendship, commitment may not always be in material things, but time, words of encouragement, and other forms of sacrifice. What commitment have you made to ensure the betterment of your friend’s life? Do you check on your friend regularly or you only expect him to check on you all the time? In the words of Jesus, “And as you would like and desire that men would do to you, do exactly so to them” – Luke 6:31.    

A True Friend Protects the Interest of The Other.  “And Jonathan spoke well of David to Saul his father and said to him, let not the king sin against his servant David, for he has not sinned against you, and his deeds have been of good service to you” (1 Samuel 19:4). A true friend would go any length to protect the interest of his friend. Jonathan was such a friend who stood for David and spoke good of him even in his absence. Jonathan would have manifested the selfish human nature by taking sides with his father to persecute David, but he did the opposite. Rather than seeing David as a threat to his becoming king after his father, instead, he spoke in David’s favour before his father. How about you? Are you the kind of friend who protects the interest of your acquaintance or do you backstab them in their absence? Do you laugh together in their presence, but speak bad of them in their absence? Jonathan was not such a friend. He faithfully watched his friend’s back.

A True Friend Encourages. “Jonathan went to find David and encouraged him to stay strong in his faith in God” (1 Samuel 23:16, NLT). There is a saying that ‘a friend in need is a friend indeed’. Such was Jonathan. In all of David’s ordeals, Jonathan never left him. He sought David, and ensured that he was always protected from his father’s ill intentions. In his trying times, Jonathan was a great source of encouragement and comfort to David. True friends encourage each other especially when the chips are down and the storms of life beat hard. How encouraging are you to your friend? Are you only friends when the going is rosy? How about when the going gets tough, are you still able to provide that warmth of friendship? This is what friendship is all about. Jonathan was indeed a true friend.

True friends encourage each other especially when the chips are down and the storms of life beat hard.

A True Friend Sacrifices. “Don’t be afraid”, Jonathan reassured him. “My father will never find you! You are going to be the king of Israel, and I will be next to you, as my father is well aware” (1 Samuel 23:17). Jonathan was such a sacrificial friend that he was ready to give up his right to the throne to David, having possibly sensed that David was the right one anointed for the throne. Being King Saul’s first son, he was to inherit the throne, but all that mattered less to him so long as his friend’s well-being was at stake. King Saul even attempted killing his son Jonathan for David’s sake (1 Samuel 20:30-33). What a sacrificial friend Jonathan was! He did all of these for no selfish reason. Are you ready to sacrifice your comfort, resources, time, etc. for the betterment of another? True friendship involves sacrifice. Little wonder, David made a great lamentation for Jonathan at the news of his death (2 Samuel 1:17-27).

Christ demonstrated the greatest sacrifice of a true friend when He laid down His life for our sake. He called us friends because of the intimacy He’s ready and willing to build with us (John 15:13-15). Are you a true friend? Christ as a faithful friend has done all to ensure your well-being. How have you reciprocated His kind gestures? What is your level of intimacy with Him? He is a friend you can always count on in the thick and thin of life. Embrace Him today and stay blessed!