This is one of the first questions you need to ask yourself before choosing a man or proposing to a lady for marriage. The only way you can get the answer to this question is to watch and pray. Psalms 32: 8 (KJV) says “I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou should go: I will guide thee with mine eye”. I used the word watch because Matthew 7:20 says “Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them”. You must check by the help of the Holy Spirit to know if the person in question is living right according to God’s standards; if he/she is an obedient child of God; and then ask God to reveal certain things that we shall be discussing soon.
Talking about being a child of God, we must note that not all Christians or believers are actually meant for us to marry because in Genesis we saw that God made them male and female for a specific purpose. There’s only one person per time that God has made to be the right or suitable partner/help meet for you. Genesis 2:18 (AMP) say: “Now the Lord God said, it is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him”. Please note the word ‘a’ helper not helpers, ‘suitable’, ‘fit’ for him according to ESV not unfit or manageable.
It is very important before marriage to consider the spiritual state of your partner; but in addition you must find out if he/she is the suitable companion. As Believers, 1Corinthians 12:28 – 30 shows us that not all are called to be prophets, teachers, apostles, and so on. So we cannot just fit in and decide to marry anyone we choose. We must first ask God to reveal to us His plan and purpose for our lives then we will be able to know who the right person or suitable help meet is for us. On the other hand, you may decide to marry ‘any’ Christian but he/she may not be the right or suitable person for you.
From the book of Genesis 2:18 that we read, God said it is not good that the man should be alone. But there are examples of some Christian homes today that the man or woman is alone because he/she didn’t find the suitable companion or right person to marry or re-marry as in the case of a widow or widower. There are several husbands that are alone in their calling, businesses or mission fields because their wives (who are equally Christians) have refused to support or help them. I know of a marriage today that is on the verge of breaking up because the wife said that she didn’t marry a Pastor but a Medical Doctor. All these omissions come in when we fail to find out God’s specific plan and purpose (calling) for our lives before journeying into marriage.
Before you propose or accept any relationship:
- Grow your spiritual life to the point where you can hear God and understand his voice correctly.
- Find out God’s plan for your life and if possible pursue that work. Your partner will obviously see you in the garden or field where God has kept you to labour for him and will be able to discern if you’re the right person for him/her as he/she compares that with the work they have been called by God to do.
Adam was already occupied with the work that God gave him to do in the garden. In fact, it was God that saw Adam’s need for a help meet before he created Eve.
Brother, don’t be in a hurry to marry any Christian Sister before you venture into God’s plan and purpose for your life; otherwise you may be unfulfilled in life because the woman may not be your suitable help meet. Invest your time to first and foremost find out God’s plan for your life. Prayerfully share the vision or call of God for your life with the Sister and get to know of her calling as well to see if you can walk together (Amos 3:3).
Sister, after accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour don’t say ‘yes’ to any brother because he is a Christian; you must find out God’s plan for your life first. That will aid you to know which brother is the right person for you.
Using myself as an example, after I gave my life to Christ I had so many suitors that I became confused on whom to say ‘yes’ to. I remember even my Pastors were beginning to see visions for me and tried to match me up. It wasn’t like I was desperate to marry at that time but I was afraid of missing the right man for me. God helped me in the place of prayer and he asked me to focus on growing my spiritual life and seeking to know his plan for me. I needed to grow spiritually because I must understand how God speaks and leads. I got to discover that God will be using me to reach out to young people and possibly laboring in mission fields even though it wasn’t very clear that time as it is today because God unfolds mysteries unto us precepts upon precepts. I got the background of the direction I am to follow. I had about five responsible, vibrant Christian men around me all proposing to marry me but God who is so merciful and not an author of confusion gave me the wisdom to find out the right person for me by asking them about God’s specific call (plan or purpose) for their lives. To my amazement, two of them didn’t know yet so I asked, what am I coming to help you with? One said he is looking at being a lecturer and probably a professor one day with his wife (he’s actually an associate professor today) and another said he is a law enforcement agent but if God should ask him to resign at any point, he will do so. My husband of today was so specific in relating God’s plan for him. He said the call of God on his life was geared towards the young people and he had been receiving specific instructions from God to work for him probably as a missionary. This settled my question of who was the right person for me. Although he was working with a private firm at that time, I knew where he was heading. It’s already 10 years in marriage by God’s grace and it has been wonderful! In case you are already married and you feel that your spouse is not the right person for you, pray to God who is able to make and fix a person.
Remember to find out from God his plans for you. He is a loving father. You must trust him to reveal the right person as he also unfolds his plan for you. He will instruct you, teach you in the way that you should go and he will guide you with His eye. Do you believe?