Studies have found that some people are just naturally more forgiving. Consequently, they tend to be more satisfied with their lives and have less depression, anxiety, stress, anger and hostility. People who hang on to grudges, however, are more likely to experience severe depression and post-traumatic stress disorder, as well as other health conditions, according to studies. True to the saying, ‘to err is human, to forgive is divine’; it is common for the natural man to err, “But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name” (John 1:12). As God’s children, we have the divine nature (God’s nature – 2Peter 1:4); therefore, we are to manifest His nature in everything we do, including forgiving our offenders. In response to Peter’s question on how often he should forgive a brother who offends him, Jesus said that He should forgive seventy times seven (Matthew 18:21-22). This response, I believe, signifies the unlimited nature of forgiveness – as often as possible.

Offense Must Come

We live in a world where we are confronted with offences in our everyday lives. Offences are common at the workplace, school, marketplace, home and sometimes in the Church. Jesus made this assertion hundreds of years ago while He walked the earth: “Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes!” (Matthew 18:7). Knowing this fact, we are to arm ourselves with the same mind that Christ had to be able to overcome offenses (Philippians 2:5). We are to study how He handled offenses, even from His disciples – Judas who betrayed Him and Peter who denied Him. How did He respond to the false witnesses who were hired to set him up for crucifixion? How did He respond to the unjust treatment by the Jewish leaders and the sentence by Pilate? His words on the cross during His dying moment say it all: “…Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do…” (Luke 23:34).

We live in a world where we are confronted with offences in our everyday lives. Offences are common at the workplace, school, marketplace, home and sometimes in the Church.

What lessons can we draw from Christ’s example? Have you been so offended to the point that it almost cost you your life? Have you experienced a pinch of what Christ went through? The ones He came to save killed Him, yet He forgave them. How do you treat those offenders in your neighbourhood or workplace? Have you taken a vow of unforgiveness or vengeance? Like Christ, you must make up your mind to forgive. Knowing that offences must come, live each day with forgiveness in view. Learn to forgive your offenders in advance of their offence, then you’ll be at peace both with God and men.

Why You Should Forgive

God Forgave Your Loads of Sin: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). A key reason why you must forgive is that God forgave your loads of sin, and still forgives your shortcomings. The forgiveness we received from God was not merited for “God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). If you cannot forgive an offender, then you’re not qualified to receive the forgiveness God offers. In the model prayer, Jesus taught thus: “…and forgive us our sins, just as we have forgiven those who have sinned against us” (Matthew 6:12). Jesus told the parable of the ungrateful and unforgiving servant whose huge debt was forgiven by his master but he refused to forgive the little debt of a fellow servant. The master later handed him over to the torturers until he had paid all (Matthew 18:23-34). Jesus concluded, “So my heavenly Father also will do to you, if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses” (Matthew 18:35). When we forgive our offenders it shows that we are grateful to God for the blessing of forgiveness, and we place ourselves in the position where we continuously access and enjoy God’s mercy because “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy” (Matthew 5:7).

A key reason why you must forgive is that God forgave your loads of sin, and still forgives your shortcomings.

Forgive so your sacrifices can be Acceptable: Jesus in His teaching on the mount, cautioned His disciples that if a sacrifice is brought to the altar (to be presented to God), and the presenter remembers that He has a dispute with a brother, such a sacrifice should be left at the altar until peace is established. This implies that the sacrifices of an unforgiving person are unacceptable to the Lord. Jesus here referred to material sacrifice. Today, we are charged to present our bodies as living sacrifices, holy and acceptable to the Lord – this is our most reasonable service (Romans 12:1). If we refuse to forgive, all our sacrifices – self, material and services will be futile. The wisest king of Israel confirms this thus: “The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination to the LORD; but the prayer of the upright is His delight (Proverbs 15:8). Remember, the lord of the unforgiving servant called him ‘wicked’ – “Then his lord, after that he had called him, O thou wicked servant…” (Matthew 18:32). You also, if you refuse to forgive, though born again, may have taken the position of the wicked, and all your sacrifices will be counted as an abomination and unacceptable to the Lord.

Are you a worker in Church, yet unable to forgive a brother or sister who offends you? If you do not forgive, all your labour for the Lord will be in vain. Are you a generous giver, yet can’t let go of the least of offences? If you love enough to give, you should love enough to forgive because love keeps no record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:5). For your labour of love to be acceptable to God, you must learn to forgive.

Forgive So You Can Live a Whole and Healthy Life: There is indeed a relationship between forgiveness and our spiritual and physical health. This is because unforgiveness does not always go alone, but is accompanied by its ‘cousins’ – bitterness, anger, malice, envy, and the like.  It is written: “A cheerful disposition is good for your health; gloom and doom leave you bone-tired” (Proverbs 17:22, MSG). In close relationship with the preceding scripture, Proverbs 15:13 says: “A cheerful heart brings a smile to your face; a sad heart makes it hard to get through the day”.  Also, “A calm and undisturbed mind and heart are the life and health of the body, but envy, jealousy and wrath are like rottenness of the bones” (Proverbs 14:30, MSG). These trio – envy, jealousy and wrath – are offshoots of unforgiveness; and if allowed to linger can cause the bones of its victim to decay. Most of the time, if you choose not to forgive your offender, you bear much of the pain. If the offender has pleaded for forgiveness both from God and the offended, he or she is no longer indebted to the offended.  

Most of the time, if you choose not to forgive your offender, you bear much of the pain.

According to research by John Hopkins University, chronic anger puts you into a fight-or-flight mode, which results in numerous changes in heart rate, blood pressure and immune response. These changes, then, increase the risk of depression, heart disease and diabetes, among other conditions. Forgiveness, however, calms stress levels, leading to improved health. The study also found that the act of forgiveness can reap huge rewards for your health, lowering the risk of heart attack; improving cholesterol levels and sleep; and reducing pain, blood pressure, and levels of anxiety, depression and stress. And research points to an increase in the forgiveness-health connection as you age.  So, choosing to forgive does you more good than it does your offender. When you choose to forgive, you free yourself from all the attendant deadly consequences of unforgiveness.    

So, choosing to forgive does you more good than it does your offender. When you choose to forgive, you free yourself from all the attendant deadly consequences of unforgiveness.    

Forgive So You Can Maintain a Robust Relationship with God: Since we are commanded to forgive by the Word of God, refusing to do so puts us at loggerheads with God. Since unforgiveness is one of the works of the flesh (Galatians 5:19-21), and those who are in the flesh cannot please God (Romans 8:8), you stand the chance of losing out with God if you fail to forgive your offenders. Unforgiveness provides a legal ground for the accuser (Satan) to accuse you and stagnate your relationship with God. And by impeding your walk with God, you will be deprived of the blessings of fellowship with God. Also, unforgiveness robs us of peace with God, others and ourselves; without peace with God, we cannot approach the throne of grace for communion with the Father. If you refuse to forgive, you’re robbed of a vibrant prayer life because you need to forgive to be forgiven, and have your prayers answered (Matthew 6:12). If not nipped in the bud, unforgiveness can make us lose our place with God in eternity.

If not nipped in the bud, unforgiveness can make us lose our place with God in eternity.

Forgive So You Can Maintain Good Relationships with Men: Having the right people in your life is one of the greatest assets you can have. God brings people into our lives from time to time for a purpose. If we keep failing to maintain good relationships with the people God brings into our lives per time, we may suffer certain setbacks in life. Unforgiveness is capable of destroying good relationships with people. It is to maintain good relationships with others that Jesus established the process of making peace with a brother with whom we have a dispute (Matthew 18:15-17). It is for the same purpose that the Apostle Paul charged the Roman believers to “Do your part to live in peace with everyone, as much as possible” (Romans 12:18). The writer of Hebrews counsels: “Strive to live in peace with everybody and pursue that consecration and holiness without which no one will [ever] see the Lord” (Hebrews 12:14, AMP). It is by forgiving those who offend us that we can have peace with God and men. The reason why we must toe the path of forgiveness is because our relationship with men is as important as our relationship with God. Brother John confirms this with a question: “…for he that loves not his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen?” (1 John 4:20b).

The reason why we must toe the path of forgiveness is because our relationship with men is as important as our relationship with God.

Steps to Forgiveness

• Acknowledge and appreciate God’s forgiveness of your sins and offences against God and others
• Ask the Lord for mercy in any way you overreacted towards your offender; renounce every negative thought and word spoken out of anger.
• Ask the Holy Ghost to shed His love in your heart; heal your heart of every hurt, bitterness and resentment; and, help you to forgive the offender.
• Like Jesus and Stephen, ask the Lord to forgive everyone who has offended you.
• Where possible, reach out to your offender and let him or her know you have forgiven them.
• Where necessary, speak to a spiritually matured Christian for counsel, guidance and prayer.
• Put the past behind you and move on with your life by engaging in productive ventures.

On Self-Forgiveness

It is possible to be the offender and the offended. The ‘self-life’ is the greatest enemy within. It is Satan’s stooge, conforming every bit to Satan’s dictates. All the consequences of unforgiveness still apply to self-unforgiveness and even more. Like Judas, self-unforgiveness can lead to suicide and self-destruction. No matter the weight of the offence, the Bible says, “If we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). Oftentimes, Satan holds us to a sense of guilt for sins for which we have been forgiven. To this, the Apostle Paul wrote: “Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for His own? Will God? No! He is the one who has given us right standing with Himself. Who then will condemn us? Will Christ Jesus? No, for He is the one who died for us and was raised to life for us and is sitting at the place of highest honour next to God, pleading for us” (Romans 8:33-34). The more we stick to the past, the more we lose grip of the future. The Apostle Paul expressed his aversion for the past when he wrote: “No, dear brothers and sisters, I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: forgetting the past, and looking forward to what lies ahead” (Philippians 3:13 NLT). Having this understanding that God has forgiven you and you have taken the necessary steps to make peace with the offended, be at rest that God is for you. Free yourself from that self-prison, celebrate the blessing of forgiveness, and be determined to live for God from now onwards. Shalom!

Oftentimes, Satan holds us to a sense of guilt for sins for which we have been forgiven.